So, you like to party and have a good time. And you’re not shy about spending a few bucks to do so on your bar tab. You’re not the typical high roller who is bar savvy, just a working stiff trying to relax and enjoy the scene on the weekend. But nobody likes to play the fool and get ripped off!

Unlike an MMA fighter, knifemaker or any other skill that has been featured in Skillset, the art of the bar thief is an unfortunate skillset. Maybe I can help you to combat these thieves with a little advice from ol’ Frankie C.

The Bar Scene and Your Bar Tab

The bar scene is a place where unsuspecting people go to have fun and spend a few bucks to enjoy themselves. However, of course, booze can make you careless. The most dangerous joints are the most popular ones, where the action is hot and heavy and the staff does not have to worry about treating the regulars fairly. They’re lined up 50 deep at the front door, and no one gives a damn if you ever come back! It’s a thief’s paradise come true. Always keep check of your bar tab in such places.

Whether the crook is the bartender, cocktail waitress or the friendly customer sitting next to you, they may all want to get into your pocket. When you’re half in the bag and springing for drinks, it’s amazing how popular you are all of a sudden. Take it from me, you are most likely getting conned. 

Here are a few ways it’s done, so listen up and protect yourself!

Paying With Cash

Let’s say the bartender takes your order, delivers the drinks and takes your money. Nothing shady about that, right? Well, you need to pay attention, kid! A dishonest barkeep will take $20 from your stack of loot but only bring you back change for $10. He does not count out the bills in front of you! He brings back the change and puts all the bills in a pile next to your drink. All you see is a stack of green with singles on top. You are drunk, dumb and happy as he walks away with the $10 that should be going back into your wallet. 

Paying With Credit Card

“But Frankie, I don’t pay with cash. I run a tab with my credit card.” Well, look at you! There’s no way you could ever get ripped off, huh? Trust me, this is the perfect time for the bartender to make up the loss to the cash register that he has shorted. I’ve seen this a thousand times. The asshole bartender adds the free drinks he has been feeding a pretty lady all night to your tab in the hopes of scoring with her, so that the inventory-sales-to-product-used ratio will match up. He gets lucky, and you get taken! Make sure you read your bar bill!

The Waitresses

Believe you me, the waitresses aren’t all saints either! Most of the time, they will prey on the guy who has a lady with him. No one wants to look like a cheapskate in front of a broad. Here are a few examples: She pays the bartender $14 for the round, but she charges you $18 — a quick four bucks in her pocket. More commonly, she may hold the drink tray over your seated eyesight, so you have to fumble around, feeling for the change that you cannot see. Don’t get all your money back? Not her problem. I’ve also seen big shots that have been stupid enough to say on previous deliveries, “Keep the singles, just give me the big bills.” Well, well, well … can you guess what will happen next time? The $5 bill of the change will become five singles! 

Keep Your Eyes on Your Bar Tab

Bottom line, there are thieves in every line of work. If you are dumb enough to get so hammered that you become a target for these scumbags, then you’re part of the problem. Have fun, but trust no one. You might forget about your bar tab, but believe me, others won’t!

Bonus Booze

Stick to the House Specials Most bars and establishments have promotions running with their vendors and merchandisers and will gladly keep your hands full of those offerings. Not only does it keep you liquored up during the MMA fight, but it keeps the people they spend their money with happy, too.

Free Drinks Your dollar goes a whole lot further when you don’t have to spend it in the first place. Make friends. Pony up to the bar and strike up a conversation. Leverage whatever sports team the person is adorned in. Become their best bud, and watch them offer to buy you a round. Obviously, this might work better for the female readers of Skillset, but hey, bearded big guys need love, too!

Two for Ones As mentioned above, daily specials can be your best bet for getting a booze. Ordering double not only saves you the price of the drinks, but can save on the overall gratuity expected during each transaction too.

Cash is King. Use cash and not a card. As the drinks start flowing, you will be more aware of the dollars depleted, forcing you to be a more savvy drinker. Also, servers prefer cash tips because of the old tax man. This means they’re more likely to keep your drink hands full, thus getting better service. When the money is gone, you will be happy to have a balance on your card to get your UBER home. Just remember to count your change!