When you read or hear those three words, HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, are you happy and joyful, or are you less than happy and joyful? I’d like to shed some light on those who perhaps aren’t so happy during this Father’s Day.

There are a variety of reasons why Father’s Day sucks. Okay, let’s go with ‘feeling less than spectacular,’ working on my positivity with the subject of Father’s Day for many of us. Perhaps you had a father who died, or you had a father who was not an active part of your childhood; maybe you had a father who was a piece of “shenanigans.” I’m really working on my cursing. 

Regardless of where your father lands in any of those swimming pools, the bottom line is Father’s Day is not a happy day for you. Please keep reading. I promise this will get to a point soon.

Father’s Day Feels

Now, the downside to having a crummy childhood when it comes to fathers and the dreaded Father’s Day is that many times (not always), it indirectly spills over into your own parenthood later in life. Now, I’m gonna put a caveat here. There are many men I know who have broken the generational curse of crummy fathers, crummy grandfathers, crummy uncles, and crummy childhoods and are some of the best men and parents I’ve ever met in my life. Even those men have some scars; they have chosen to take on the role of fatherhood (and, as a spouse, that’s a different article) and walk a different, more positive path.  I commend them loudly for accomplishing this. 

Here’s what we know about Father’s Day. It is one of the lowest-ranking holidays that is celebrated in the United States. Just google that shit, and you’ll see for yourself. I did and found a YouGov survey that has Mother’s Day as the 5th favorite holiday and Father’s Day as the 10th. Look, let’s be honest. It’s fair to say that most men don’t want the attention on Father’s Day, even if they do get it. Keeping with the honesty, many don’t feel worthy of celebration. To any and all wives or children reading this and looking back at past Father’s Days you’ve experienced, I’m positive that it was expressed as not a big deal and not to bother. 

It’s my opinion that Father’s Day is a big deal, and fellas,  let me share with you that if your loved ones are putting in some effort, please drop any negative feelings about the day and enjoy the moment. It’s mine and many other fathers that believe the above opinion has a crap ton of truth to it.

Mental Check-up

Much of our society uses the term “community” to my fellow fathers. May I ask you to please embrace finding a community? A community of like-minded men that you can lean on in those times of struggle with your wife, your lover, your kids, work, or just life in general. Many fathers, by our very nature, walk a path of loneliness. Yes, we are there for our families. Yes, we are there for our work. Yes, we are there trying to be responsible. 

However, when push comes to shove, we lone wolf it, so I am asking, imploring you, damn near begging you to find a community which I’m fully aware is easier said than done type of difficult. It’s not impossible, though. Please try to find someone, a buddy, with whom you can share your burdens in a Healthy Way; bear each other’s burdens so that you don’t have to carry your load alone. 

The absolute bottom line is that if you don’t check-in, the voices (many telling lies) will take over, and you will only embrace those lies. We can’t let that happen! I hope y’all hear me. A mentally healthy “you” makes your life and the lives of everyone around you something that you may feel is impossible. Ready? It’s called PEACE! 

Fathers, this includes stepfathers, uncles, brothers, male role models, and any man who is involved in a child’s life; I’m not sure if the heaviness, the feelings of shoulder-crushing burdens, ever fully dissipate. I do know that it’s worth it. 

A Worthy Opponent

The challenge is to wear this without resentment, which can lead to frustration and manifest as anger. Look, I fully understand how much this appears to be an uphill battle and is perhaps an overwhelming issue. This is why the lone wolf path sets ya up for a negative ending. While yes, you need to do the work, making sure you are a great dad, loving spouse, and good friend.

However, if you don’t have the tools and understanding (and a supportive community of men), it’s going to go exactly as it is right now, as you read this like you’re smashing your head against walls. 

“A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way” -unknown.

Since there is no book that tells you exactly how to be the perfect father, the best we can do is to make mistakes and make sure we do our very best not to repeat them. Which, again, the odds of that happening are not great.

Now, as a man raised by a single mother, it seems and feels odd to write an article on the subject of Father’s Day article. However, I am a father, and in complete transparency, my history in that regard has been less than stellar, to say the least. 

Failure is not an Option

So, if you are a father and you feel like a failure, let me remind you that you did at least one thing right: you helped in the birth of your child( children); this applies. If you are a father figure, you are an influence and a male presence that is so importantly needed; you can say you did at least one thing right.

Did you (do you)suck at it? Yep!  However, please remember to show yourself some grace. You didn’t know then what you know now. You were only parenting with the tools and knowledge that you had at that moment in time. Of course, all of us would love a Time Machine (yes, I have an image of that Delorean in Back to the Future) to go back and correct where we did things incorrectly; the fact is that’s just not a reality.

It’s not too late, seriously! If you haven’t spoken in a long time, reach out and start the healing and forgiving process. It will take time; just know that no matter what side of the anger fence you are on, the start to not being angry is reaching out and saying “Hi, Dad” or “Hi, son/daughter.”

The most challenging and scariest part is taking the first step. No different from when you first started taking steps as a young father and child. 

Regret is one of the worst emotions we can experience, so I’m repeating it: reach out. Personally, I think Father’s Day is a great opportunity.

In closing

My aim and goal with this article was to shed light on the beautiful day that we call Father’s Day( yes, I am still working on this myself; you’re not alone). I’m hopeful that you took something positive away from it, and perhaps some of you even reached the starting point of opening the door to forgiveness and healing regarding Father’s Day or the subject itself. 

Once again, I want to remind you that the lies of the past have no bearing on today’s truth. What that means is that what has happened in the past and how you were, or how your childhood was, regarding the topic of Father/Dad/Pop/Old Man, is now over. Today is an excellent opportunity to begin the healing process. Start to forgive yourself, regardless of whether you are the father or the person you called father. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy; however, I do believe in my heart of hearts that it’s worth it.

Keep your head up, and I’m going to say Dad to Dad, you’re awesome.

“a good father is one of the most unsung, unphased, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” – Billy Graham.