There’s no real, definitive guide for being a Best Man. However, there is plenty of opportunity to learn how to write and deliver the perfect Best Man speech once you’ve been chosen.
The Best Man is a real sweet spot in a friendship between two men. He is the time-honored position of a friend who can both plan a rager of a bachelor party and be trusted to speak in front of your family—without the bride filing for divorce the next day.
A lot is riding on the Best Man. He’s not just there for moral support. The role is to be the chief enforcer of the wedding. He’s there to ensure the groom shows up on time, keep the wedding on track, rein in the other groomsmen, sign the marriage license, and most importantly, give a banger speech at the reception.
Frankly, no one cares what the maid of honor has to say, and everyone already knows what the parents think of their children. If you don’t know how to be a Best Man, the biggest thing you need to master is this speech. Everyone will be looking at you to deliver a knockout before the champagne starts flowing, and there’s a good chance your speech will be the last thing they remember before the DJ starts the Electric Slide.
Here’s everything you need to know about delivering a one-two verbal punch that will make even the bride think she might have married the wrong man.
The Perfect Best Man Speech
1. Stay Sober.
Everyone gets a little nervous before speaking in front of a crowd. It’s a well-known fact that humans are generally more afraid of public speaking than facing their own death. There’s nothing wrong with having a drink to calm your nerves so you can focus on the speech instead of the crowd, but be classy about it. Don’t shotgun a beer, and avoid any drink that sounds like it was named in an Orlando tourist bar.
What we’re trying to say is do not deliver this speech while drunk. You may not think you sound drunk, but everyone else will. Nothing ruins your best friend’s special moment like slurred words, involuntary spitting, or “accidentally” saying something inappropriate. If you mess up this speech because you’re drunk, you will forever be remembered as your buddy’s alcoholic friend. Like everyone else, you can start the party after the Best Man speech, which brings us to the next tip.
2. Keep It Short and Sweet.
Not to steal any thunder away from your moment, but the party starts when you’re done talking. The beer is cold and only getting warmer. The food is warm and only getting colder. Some people showed up to the wedding just for this reception. Family, friends, well-wishers, and all of the bride or groom’s exes invited as a flex are all waiting on you to wrap it up.
As Shakespeare is believed to have said, brevity is the soul of wit. You aren’t Shakespeare, but you could get close. Think of it: the Gettysburg Address is arguably the greatest speech ever written and delivered, but it took only two minutes to give and was just 272 words long. Rambling like Donald Trump at a MAGA rally might be easier, but you aren’t running for president, and this party’s not about you.
Luckily, that’s where the “sweet” part comes in. If you can insert yourself into a critical memory of how the bride and groom started their relationship, this is where to humblebrag about that moment. Maybe you know when they first met, first started dating, or when he decided to pop the question, tell that story from your point of view. If nothing else, you can tell the crowd how it felt when he asked you to be Best Man and how excited you were to be part of the special day.
3. Memorize It.
Did you ever see JFK stand to give a speech while fumbling with his notes? Did Ronald Reagan flip through some pages before telling Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall? No, because notecards are for the weak. This is another reason to keep it short: No one will be excited to see a Best Man stand up with a stack of notebook paper to deliver a speech.
Someone giving a speech that day will inevitably use notes, which will be terrible. “How to Be a Best Man 101,” tells us that standing up and delivering your thoughts from memory – with a smile and only a drink in your hand – before raising your glass to the bride and groom is peak elegance. The contrast between you and the person with notes will only make you look better. Remember: this is why you have the title of Best Man.
4. Be Real.
Sometimes, in our alpha, double-alpha, and sigma male-oriented world, we might forget that there’s a place for being honest and heartfelt, even if it makes you tear up a little bit. There’s no shame in sharing a personal story and getting emotional about it. It’s a celebration of your friend finding his true love. So steal his thunder and make your speech the most memorable moment of the reception by sharing a personal reflection about your friendship. Besides, the bridesmaids are watching, so be sincere. It’s a panty-dropper.
5. Practice.
You can (and should) practice the speech many times before the moment. You were likely given months of advance notice that you were the Best Man. Even if you didn’t know how to be the Best Man, there was plenty of time to learn and prepare accordingly. The speech should be the first thing you finish; once finished, it should be something you practice every day until you can both recite it from memory and nail down your body language.
No one will expect you to give a Winston Churchill-level speech at your best friend’s wedding, so imagine how surprised they will be when you do. The most skilled public speakers, from Barack Obama to Adm. William McRaven to Tony Robbins, have at least one thing in common: they practiced their most important speeches to the point that they look effortless.
6. Look people in the eyes.
Have you ever tried to talk to someone who will absolutely not make eye contact with you? It’s kind of uncomfortable at first, but eventually, it just gets very unnerving. Your audience will feel that way, too, if you avoid making eye contact. To give a great Best Man speech, it’s imperative you make eye contact.
You memorized the speech, so there’s no need to look at notes. Make eye contact with the audience while delivering an oral bombshell that makes Abraham Lincoln look like an amateur. When you’re talking about the groom, look at him. Of course the same goes for talking about the bride, look at her. When talking about finding true love, look at the prettiest single woman in the room and talk only to her: the next wedding could be yours.
While these suggestions were designed to help a struggling man rise to the level of Best Man at a wedding, most of this advice can be used while giving remarks almost anywhere. Need to say a toast at a birthday? Use these steps. Are you forced to give a speech to receive an award at work? Most of these apply there, too. It’s a surefire way to be the most memorable moment of any event, but especially a wedding – even when you’re not the one actually getting married.
Now that you understand how to nail the perfect Best Man speech, you need to start planning: The Ultimate Bachelor Party
